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Condoughlences

April 17, 2018 by Bob Kelly

We regret to announce the passing last month of the veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop-N-Fresh Doughboy. His death was attributed to a severe yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin, and the gravesite was piled high with flours. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch.

Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as “a man who never knew how much he was kneaded.” Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He wasn’t considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. A crusty old man who was a little flaky at times, he was nevertheless considered a positive roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, his son John Dough, and two daughters, Jane Dough and Cookie Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.

The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

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